Dr. Laura's Meaningful Psychological Services
|Posted on October 28, 2021 at 12:00 AM|
I am inspired by the series Ted Lasso and I hope you will be inspired too. I am going to try and avoid spoilers, so if you haven’t watched, please do (for mature audiences- this is not a kid friendly show) and read on!
This series highlights the ups and downs of life in a spectacular and unique way. One of the best and consistent themes throughout is a sense of optimism and strength despite stressors. We often describe this as resilience, a skill that can be learned and nurtured throughout your life and is very important for our overall well-being. To learn more about these healthy characteristics, see https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/resilience-training/in-depth/resilience/art-20046311 and https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/resilience and https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/optimism and https://positivepsychology.com/learned-optimism/
We also see forgiveness offered and received, even when someone wasn't thought to deserve it. Witnessing this sharing of kindness and grace encourages us to forgive those who have hurt or offended us. This is also very important for our well-being. For more on forgiveness, see https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/forgiveness/definition and https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-forgiving-life/201804/8-reasons-forgive
There are more great themes depicted in Ted Lasso worthy of discussion (stay tuned for next month), but for now, I will leave you with some reflecting points.
Here are some of the best quotes from the series:
“I think that’s what it’s all about. Embracing change.”
“For me, success is not about the wins and losses. It’s about helping these young fellas be the best versions of themselves on and off the field.”
“I promise you, there is something worse out there than being sad. And that is being alone and being sad. Ain’t no one in this room alone.”
“I believe in hope. I believe in Believe.”
“You know what the happiest animal on Earth is? It’s a goldfish. You know why? Got a ten-second memory. Be a goldfish, Sam.”
|Posted on September 28, 2021 at 1:00 PM|
Are you taking time to be outside? Do you spend moments noticing trees, grass, flowers, or clouds. Are you enjoying feeling fresh air or the warmth of the sun? Being in nature is beneficial for our mental and physical health. It is also very important that our children spend time outside as often as possible. You may notice a positive difference in your child or student’s behavior after some outside play time. Here is an interesting article about the importance of being in nature for kids. https://childmind.org/article/why-kids-need-to-spend-time-in-nature/
|Posted on August 26, 2021 at 12:25 AM|
This may be one of the most amazing videos I have ever seen. Play is so important for our children (and adults too!) and often overlooked. Play can be simple, real, unstructured, interactive, cooperative, and imaginative. Play is important for leaning, problem solving, and cognitive development. Have fun playing!
|Posted on July 19, 2021 at 3:05 PM|
Couples can sometimes find themselves in an unhealthy cycle of communication issues, misunderstandings, intimacy discomforts, and conflict. You may have heard about the “Four Horsemen” related to couples, a series of unhelpful and hurtful behaviors that harm relationships. Here is an excellent description of these patterns as well as some strategies for couples to improve their relationship.
|Posted on June 23, 2021 at 8:00 AM|
Balancing parenthood with any other aspect of life is a challenge. Becoming a parent presents some amazing opportunities to face anxiety and stress. Through it all and during whatever stage of parenting you may be at now, taking care of yourself is essential. Here is an excellent article with some practical and realistic strategies for self-care as a parent. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/Pages/Finding-a-Self-Care-Ritual-That-Works-for-You.aspx" target="_blank">Finding a Self-Care Ritual That Works for You
|Posted on April 27, 2021 at 3:05 PM|
Checking in on you this month. How are you doing? We have been in this collective trauma for over a year, and this is going to impact all of us. There was a recent article shared about the “blah” feeling many people have been experiencing during these later stages of the pandemic. I am sharing this with you https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/19/well/mind/covid-mental-health-languishing.html?smid=url-share" target="_blank">here.
I encourage you to fully experience your emotions and express them in an appropriate way. This does not mean don’t cry but rather communicate, cope, and collaborate. If that involves letting tears flow, let them flow. It is ok and normal-no need to apologize for this.
Practice good self-care with behaviors that rejuvenate and refresh you. Get a healthy amount of sleep, eat nutritious meals, exercise, spend time with family and friends, and get outside. Challenge yourself with new activities, learning something new, or facing a fear.
You can stay healthy and have fun too!
|Posted on January 19, 2021 at 12:05 AM|
Happy New Year!
Do you feel in need of some inspiration? I have compiled some fun and inspiring ideas based on several family friendly movies. I hope that you may change your perspective, set a new goal, learn to appreciate your strengths and weaknesses, and enjoy a movie with someone you care about. I have tried to avoid any spoilers!
Jingle Jangle: Believe in yourself. Be patient. Embrace science, math, and technology skills. Learn from others. Teach others. Use your imagination. Forgive.
Soul: Explore your purpose. Find your passion. Pay attention to the simple things in life. Discover your neighborhood. Experience flow. Resolve conflict with family and friends. See the world differently. Smell a flower. Forgive.
Meet the Robinsons: Know that families are made differently. Be kind to others. Appreciate those who support your goals. Keep trying. Embrace failure- it's a good thing! Help others. Forgive.
Ratatouille: Try something new. Accept help. Learn to do something you never thought you could. Step outside of your comfort zone. Expand your network. Embrace community. Forgive.
A Wrinkle in Time: Love hard and deep. Test out the limits of possibility. Wait. Modify your plans and ideas. Know your faults and see them as gifts. Change your perspective. Remember that you don’t always know how others are struggling. Find your friends and family who you can stay together with. Forgive.
May you have a year that is filled with joy, love, good health, safety and forgiveness.
|Posted on December 14, 2020 at 11:00 AM|
It’s December- many months into the pandemic and in the middle of the holiday season. For some, the season is not very merry. You may be feeling depressed, discouraged, and defeated. My hope is to provide some encouragement, inspiration, and helpful information to navigate the difficulty during this challenging time.
Together, we can cope with and grow from our experiences during this very unusual holiday season. See these articles for recommendations, strategies, and helpful information. Perhaps you will begin a new tradition that you love!
How to Navigate Holidays During Pandemic 2020:
Holidays During the Pandemic:
How to Accept That Holiday Gatherings Are Canceled:
Let's make the season meaningful!
|Posted on September 30, 2020 at 4:30 PM|
With social media, TV, apps, e-mail, news articles, and mail, we can easily become overloaded with information. If left unchecked, we could have the news running all day in the background or fall into a rabbit hole of social media “doomscrolling.” For a more detailed look at this new phrase, read the Merriam Webster definition and origin (http://https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/doomsurfing-doomscrolling-words-were-watching).
Headlines are designed to grab our attention and ignite an emotional reaction. They are written to try and convince us that we need to know more and read on or watch longer. When we keep engaging with the information, we may experience a reaction because we strongly agree or disagree. We may feel a strong sense of needing to know. We may start applying what we read or see to our own life. Before we know it, we are scrolling and scrolling or watching and watching and time for more meaningful activities is passing by.
Information overload can lead to increased anxiety and stress. Here are some strategies to help manage this.
Allow yourself a designated amount of time per day or week for consumption of current events.
Access Trusted Resources
Find a reputable resource for unbiased and accurate information.
Find the Primary Source
This one is difficult but helpful and important. As best you can, trace back reported information to the original source.
Read Alternative Viewpoints
Learn about different perspectives to help more fully understand a situation.
Focus on Information Seeking Not on Reassurance Seeking
There is a difference between learning new information to advance knowledge and compulsively seeking confirmation or disconfirmation for reassurance.
|Posted on August 26, 2020 at 3:20 PM|
As we are preparing for a new school year and are making decisions for our families, ourselves, and careers, we may feel anxious, stressed, or tired. This is to be expected given the unique stressors we are facing right now. Together, we can manage this.
My hope for this school year is that we can:
-practice resilience, patience, and kindness
-be thoughtful, considerate, and informed
-be reasonable, logical, and rational
-appreciate hard-work, dedication, and energy
-be flexible, fluid, and adjustable
-make decisions that are the best for our individual needs and family circumstances
-have fun, learn, and grow
Whether it is in-person learning, remote instruction, online schooling, or homeschooling, we can be better and stronger together. Let’s show kindness to each other, ask questions, follow guidelines, offer help, accept help, and be reasonable with expectations and demands. Have a great school year!
|Posted on June 29, 2020 at 4:55 PM|
There is a time for listening and a time for speaking. Both communication methods are integral to successful relationships. Over the past few weeks, we have witnessed a lot of speaking and hopefully more listening. Understanding the perspective of someone who has a different viewpoint than you can make a big difference. We may not agree with someone’s choices, actions, feelings, thoughts, or statements. We may feel like ending a friendship, blocking them on social media, writing them off as falling into a demographic group or category different than our own, or dismissing them. While this may seem like it solves the problem, this behavior divides us and prevents the development and practice of skills in conflict resolution, relationship reconciliation, problem solving, communication, and tolerance. It is expected and acceptable to disagree with others. In fact, let’s welcome discourse and conflict and work through it. We don’t need to run away (except in dangerous situations of course). We don’t need to come to an agreement on everything. We can be a bridge builder, peacemaker, and good listener.
When we change our perspective to see someone else’s, we may learn some actions are motivated by fear, loss, love, anger, personal experiences, discrimination, financial struggles, or some other aspect of life that has deeply impacted them. And sometimes our behavior changes because we didn’t have a good night’s sleep or breakfast that day. It is my hope that we work to understand each other more, listen often, and keep communication open.
Speaking of communication...
I have a new e-mail address: [email protected]
Please save this for your records to replace: [email protected]
Coming soon! I will have a new website in addition to www.meaningfulpsychservices.com
|Posted on April 27, 2020 at 10:30 AM|
How are you doing and coping? I hope you are prioritizing self-care, having some fun, and staying healthy. This month I am sharing an excellent and detailed resource for coping with a variety of mental health challenges related to COVID-19, social distancing guidelines and recent changes in our daily schedules. I am hopeful that this resource will be helpful and supportive.
|Posted on March 26, 2020 at 11:25 AM|
I am writing to you during a very interesting, unique, and unprecedented time in our history. In my role, I have seen the increase in anxiety that has developed regarding the COVID-19 outbreak. My goal is to help all of us COPE in a healthy way so that our lives can continue to be meaningful.
Connect with others
Social distancing can be difficult, but this practice does not need to keep you from connecting with others. Consider chatting via video or text with friends and family. Take a walk together (keeping at least 6 feet apart). Drive to a local beach or park that is open, meet others and listen to music while everyone stays in their own car. Share pictures. Connect with others on social media. Call someone you haven’t talked to in a while on the phone (yes, I said to call, not just text). Forgive people who have hurt you. Join an online class.
Offer help and assistance
Your skills, compassion, and talent are needed. How can you help someone else? This may be delivering groceries to an elderly neighbor or sick friend (drop at the door). You may call someone who is feeling lonely. You can donate a gift card, food, or money to a local food bank or mission. You can read with your children. You can make a rainbow and hang it on your front door or windows. You can send a loving e-card to a friend or family member. Send a loving thank you note to our healthcare workers. Contact your local nursing home for opportunities to share messages of hope and love for the residents via video.
Practice good hygiene, healthy eating, exercise and handwashing
I know you’ve been hearing this a lot lately, but it is important. Take care of yourself. You will be healthier and a better husband/wife, son/daughter, girlfriend/boyfriend, employee, parent, partner, co-worker and leader if you do. Eat a well-balanced nutritious diet. Go outside. Exercise. Wash those hands!
Enjoy life and make the most of it
These are weird and challenging times. We are all in this together. We can enjoy unstructured time. We can find the odd balance between working at home and parenting. We can adjust to different schedules. We can still be connected socially. We can bake and try new recipes. We can learn from great authors (check out lunch doddles with Mo Willems https://www.kennedy-center.org/education/mo-willems/). We can take a virtual museum tour. We can watch movies. We can read. We can learn a new skill. We can spend time with our families. We can be less distracted with the usual business of life and embrace some simplicity. We can and would benefit greatly from limiting our news intake.
Thank you to every single health care worker and essential workforce member- you are working so hard to keep people healthy and the world running as normal and safely as possible. I am forever grateful.
|Posted on February 26, 2020 at 12:10 AM|
Setting goals can be overwhelming at times. We set ahead to lose weight, watch less TV, exercise more, meet more people, apply for a new job, ask someone out, quit smoking, take a vacation, and spend less money. We set high expectations. Lose 50 lbs without gaining anything back. Watch Netflix only on weekends for 20min. Apply for 15 jobs in a day. Stop buying coffee. While it is possible to attain goals with high expectations, we are more likely to give up completely if there aren’t certain characteristics that are met.
Goals work best when they are specific and measurable. This means we have a budget for spending or a specific amount and type of positions to apply for within a designated amount of time.
Goals work best when they are reasonable and achievable. This means we understand that changing from smoking 20 cigarettes in a day or from watching 6 hours of TV every day to none at all the next day will be very hard and almost unrealistic.
Goals work best when we are kind to ourselves. Punishing ourselves for setbacks, failures, lack of motivation, or setting unrealistic goals will not help us to grow. Forgiving ourselves and understanding that true growth takes time, energy, and nurturing will.
Goals work best when we remember that “little and often makes much.” Taking small, healthy, and realistic steps towards a larger goal can build habits and positively contribute to our success.
Start by doing a little of something often and see how you grow.
|Posted on January 28, 2020 at 12:10 AM|
Happy New Year!
Flexibility in our world is so important. Being flexible in our thinking, attitude, and relationships can make a positive impact in your life. One of the key areas regarding our well-being and mental health is mindset. This month, I am sharing some of Dr. Dweck’s research on fixed and growth mindsets. Why does this matter? Check out her work here: https://www.mindsetworks.com/science/Impact
Let’s start off the new year with hope for the future, flexibility in our thinking, and love in our relationships!
|Posted on December 23, 2019 at 11:50 AM|
The holiday season can be merry, fun, and joyful for some people and depressing, anxiety provoking, and stressful for others. There are so many dynamics with family, friends, and activities at work. Here are some interesting articles about coping with some common cause of holiday stress.
https://adaa.org/learn-from-us/from-the-experts/blog-posts/consumer/managing-holiday-stress-stressed" target="_blank">Managing Holiday Stress for the Stressed
https://positiveprescription.com/improve-your-business-negotiation-skills-or-just-get-along-better-with-your-family/" target="_blank">Feasting Together Can Help You Succeed in Business and Life
https://positiveprescription.com/the-paradox-of-the-perfectly-wrapped-present/" target="_blank">The Paradox of the Perfectly Wrapped Present
https://meaningfulpsychservices.blogspot.com/2018/12/let-your-heart-be-light.html" target="_blank">Let Your Heart Be Light
https://meaningfulpsychservices.blogspot.com/2015/" target="_blank">Just Be
https://meaningfulpsychservices.blogspot.com/2013/" target="_blank">Helpful Strategies for Celebrating with Special Needs
|Posted on October 23, 2019 at 4:30 PM|
I love it when our mainstream entertainment teaches good lessons. Check out this interesting https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/four_lessons_in_bridge_building_from_the_good_place?utm_source=Greater+Good+Science+Center&utm_campaign=241d4682e5-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_GG_Newsletter_Oct_9_2019&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_5ae73e326e-241d4682e5-50850427" target="_blank">article about building bridges between people based on what we learn from the TV show The Good Place.
After you read the article, challenge yourself to answer these questions:
Who can you can get to know better?
How can you connect with that person?
What prevents you from interacting with people you perceive as different?
How can suffering help you grow?
|Posted on July 22, 2019 at 3:40 PM|
We have weeds. Big, thick, and tall weeds. I have tried mulch, landscape fabric, and sprays, and it helps a good amount. This year, I thought I finally did it. No weeds! Yay!
I was wrong. After a few weeks, I saw the evidence. A few weeds either survived or new ones navigated their way through a tiny opening in the mulch and fabric. Untamed and free, they grow and grow to be thick and full and push out our pretty sunflowers attempting to grow.
Back to the drawing board...I think I will try to de-root the surviving weeds next and see if that helps.
Do you have any weeds in your life? Are you suppressing negative feelings? Are you avoiding taking risks to grow? Are you letting weeds grow wild? Are you forgetting to nurture your flowers?
Is anxiety, depression, anger, or jealousy taking over your life?
If your life feels full of weeds, look for the flowers trying to grow. Get at the root of the weeds and challenge yourself to face the scary and negative feelings. You may need to try different strategies to see what works best for you.
If needed, seek the support of a psychologist. We can help!
|Posted on May 22, 2019 at 4:35 PM|
Play is so vital and important for both children and adults. For several years in my practice, I have observed many families rushing from school to multiple after school structured activities for multiple children with multiple conflicts. Kids express feeling anxious and overwhelmed. Our high achieving students struggle with balancing clubs, sports, and HW and when to turn down additional responsibilities. Parents struggle with which opportunities to take and pass on.
This Ted Talk illustrates the importance of play from a biological perspective and the relationship between play and mental health.
|Posted on April 22, 2019 at 1:40 PM|
Yes, just yes! This month, I am sharing a presentation by Dr. Hynes, Superintendent of Schools in Patchogue-Medford. This talk provides some insight into whole child learning, mental health, physical health, social emotional growth, and raising children to be successful and healthy adults.